Two Vivid Memories In The Life Of Mister Gurdjieff / Gurdjieff’in Hayatından İki Canlı Anı

[Türkçe çeviri için yorum bölümüne bkz.]

Dear friends, we are glad to share with you two vivid memories in the life of mister Gurdjieff. It is about his mother  and her relationship with animals and the second one is about the special relationship his wife had grown with his mother. As usual, what mister Gurdjieff writes has deeper meanings than just the literal sense. We wish you a good digging, as you will surely unravel gems of such a beautiful nature…

 

'The Procession', byNÖL

1.The Procession

 ‘…It happened that I sat on the very bench on which it had been my habit, during the first year of my writing, often to sit and work.

At that time there frequently used to come and sit down by me on this bench, on each side of me, two near beings, the only one close to my inner world.

One of them always adored by me was my old mother and the other, my uniquely and sincerely beloved wife.

At the present time both of these women, uniquely nearest to my inner world, peacefully lie forever side by side in a cemetery which I for them as well as for me in an entirely strange country.

First to die, from a long-standing illness of the liver, was my mother; some months later, from the most terrible contemporary scourge, the disease cancer, went my wife.

This country France, by the way, which is the last resting place for those tow beings uniquely nearest to me but which in deed absolutely foreign to my nature, remains in my feeling, thanks to this, as if it were my own native land.

And so, as I sat on this bench and almost mechanically observed the familiar surrounding, in me, by the associations of ideas, there began to be recollected the different experiences I had in the same place.

Suddenly remembering, I visualized as though in reality a picture which I had frequently seen during the short period of rest from my active mentation.

Namely, a picture of how from my left, in the company of two peacocks, a cat and a dog, there slowly strolled down the path my unforgettable old mother.

At this point, it is impossible not to remark on the relation between my mother and the mentioned animals, as this was indeed unusual in the lives of contemporary people.

The four differently natured animals would already know in advance just when my mother was coming out, and gathering near the door of her home, they would await her appearance and afterwards, wherever she went, would very ‘sedately’ accompany her.

Always the cat would walk in front, the two peacocks at the sides and the dog behind.’


2.‘Esperanto’

'The bench', by NÖL
‘… Usually when my mother left her home, which was called ‘ Le Paradou’ and proceed in my direction there would approach from the house called ‘ Le Prieure’, my wife.

Both were walking with the help of a stick and both were stooped.

It must be confessed that the bent figure of the first did not touch me so much, because I accounted and accepted this as the normal destiny of every person of esteemed age.

But to the bowed posture of the second I was quite unable to reconcile myself; each time when I noticed it there arose in me a feeling of revolt and my heart pounded like that of a balking horse

For it was a trifling eighteen years earlier that, thanks to this now stooped and sallow-faced woman and her accidental presence in the place where the awarding of prices for beauty was going on in St Petersburg, the famous Lena Cavalieri, then in the bloom of her youth, was deprived of the first prize.

Continuing to sit on the bench, and also continuing not to hinder the automatic flow of thoughts regarding those two dear-to-me women in connection with this place, I remembered and very strongly experienced in myself again that exact feeling of being deeply touched which I had more than once experienced when they spoke to each other.

I remembered how it often happened that they would sit by my side, one on the right and the other on my left, almost touching me, and so seated that, although very quiet in order not to hinder me, they would sometimes when I bent forwards concentrating on my work whisper to each other behind my back.

And this whispering of theirs and their complete understanding of each other always caused in me this feeling of being very touched.

The fact that my mother knew not one word of the language which my wife spoke and my wife in turn understood no word of the language which my mother spoke.

In spite of this, not only did they very freely interchange their ordinary opinions, but they had imparted to each other in a very short time all the peculiar experiences and the full biographies of their lives.

Because of the common object of this centrigravital love, there was soon fabricated by them a very peculiar independent dialect, consisting of many different languages.’

***

Both excerpts are from

‘ Life is real only then, when ‘i am’.

page 36 to 38 in the Penguin-Arkana edition.

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3 Responses to Two Vivid Memories In The Life Of Mister Gurdjieff / Gurdjieff’in Hayatından İki Canlı Anı

  1. Gurdjieff’in Hayatindan İki Canlı Anı

    Sevgili Arkadaşlar, Gurdjieff’in hayatından iki canlı anıyı paylaşmaktan mutluluk duyuyoruz. İlki annesi ve annesinin hayvanlarla kurduğu bağ, ikincisi ise karısının annesiyle kurduğu özel ilişki ile ilgili. Her zamanki gibi Gurdjieff’in yazıları görünenden daha derin bir anlam taşıyor. İçinde güzellikler barındıran mücevherler bulacağınızdan eminiz. Keyifli keşifler!

    1.Geçit Töreni

    ‘… Aynı bankta kendimi otururken buldum. Yazı yazmaya başladığımın ilk yılında o bankta sıkça oturmayı ve çalışmayı alışkanlık haline getirmiştim.

    O zamanlar sık sık geliyorlar ve o bankta iki yanıma oturuyorlardı. İki yakın varlık, iç dünyama yakın olan yegane kişiler.

    Biri her zaman hayranlık duyduğum yaşlı annem, diğeri ise eşsiz ve içtenlikle sevdiğim eşimdi.

    Benzersiz bir şekilde iç dünyama en yakın olan bu iki kadın şimdi onlara ve bana tamamen yabancı olan bir ülkenin mezarlığında sonsuza dek, yan yana, huzur içinde yatıyorlar.

    İlk ölen, uzun süredir karaciğer hastası olan annem oldu; birkaç ay sonra eşim çağımızın en korkunç belası olan kansere yenik düştü.

    Bu arada bana eşsiz bir şekilde en yakın olan bu iki varlığın son dinlenme yeri olan Fransa, doğama kesinlikle yabancı olmasına rağmen, sanki anayurdummuş gibi yüreğimde saklıdır.

    Ve böylece, o bankta otururken ve neredeyse mekanik bir şekilde tanıdık çevreyi, içimi, düşüncelerin çağrışımlarıyla gözlemlerken, aynı yerde yaşadığım farklı deneyimler anımsanmaya başlandı.

    Birdenbire hatırladım. Aktif düşünce oluşturma sürecime kısa süreliğine ara vererek dinlendiğimde, sıkça gördüğüm bir resmi gerçekmiş gibi gözümde canlandırdım.

    O resimde, unutulmaz olan yaşlı annem iki tavuskuşu, bir kedi ve bir köpek eşliğinde solumda yolu yavaşça aşağıya doğru iniyordu.

    Bu noktada annem ve adı geçen hayvanların arasındaki ilişkiye yorum yapmamak mümkün değil, çünkü bu, çağdaş insanların hayatlarında gerçekten olağandışıydı.

    Dört farklı huya sahip olan bu hayvanlar, annemin dışarıya çıkacağı zamanı önceden bilirler, evinin kapısının yakınında bir araya gelirler, onun ortaya çıkmasını beklerler ve devamında, nereye giderse gitsin, ona ‘sedately’ (çok sakin) bir şekilde eşlik ederlerdi.

    Kedi her zaman önünde, iki tavuskuşu yanlarda, köpek ise arkasında yürürdü.’

    2. ‘Esperanto’

    ‘… Genelde annem ‘Le Paradou’ adlı evinden ayrılarak bana doğru geldiğinde, ‘Le Prieure’ adlı evden çıkan eşim yaklaşıyordu.

    İkisi de bir sopa yardımıyla yürüyordu, ikisi de kamburdu.

    İtiraf etmeliyim ki, eğik vücutların ilki beni o kadar etkilemiyordu, çünkü bunu saygın bir yaşa gelmiş olan her insanın olağan kaderi olarak görüyor ve kabul ediyordum.

    Ancak ikincisinin eğik duruşu ile bir türlü barışamıyordum; fark ettiğim anda içimde bir isyan duygusu uyanıyor ve kalbim inatla ilerlemek istemeyen bir atın kalbi gibi küt küt atıyordu.

    Onsekiz yıl önce, şimdi kambur ve solgun yüzlü olan bu kadının tesadüfi bir şekilde St.Petersburg’daki güzellik yarışmasında bulunmasından dolayı, gençliğin baharında olan ünlü Lena Cavalieri birincilik ödülünden olmuştu.

    Bankta oturmaya devam ederek ve bu iki değerli kadının bu yer ile olan bağlantısına ilişkin otomatik düşünce akışını kesintiye uğratmayarak, birbirleriyle konuştuklarında bir kereden fazla tecrübe ettiğim, içime derin bir şekilde işleyen o duyguyu hatırladım ve içimde çok güçlü bir şekilde yeniden deneyimledim.

    Nasıl sıkça biri sağımda ve diğeri solumda olmak üzere yanıma oturduklarını, neredeyse bana dokunduklarını hatırladım. Beni engellememek için çok sessiz olmalarına rağmen, işime odaklanmış bir şekilde öne eğildiğimde, arkamdan birbirine fısıldayabilecek şekilde oturduklarını anımsadım.

    Onların bu fısıldaması ve birbirini tamamen anlaması, içime her zaman derin bir şekilde işlemiştir.

    Gerçek şu ki, ne annem eşimin konuştuğu dili anlıyordu, ne de eşim annemin herhangi bir kelimesini.

    Buna rağmen sadece sıradan düşüncelerini değil, aynı zamanda çok kısa bir süre içerisinde tüm özel deneyimlerini ve yaşam öykülerini birbiriyle serbestçe paylaşmışlardı.

    Yer çekimin ortasındaki bu sevginin ortak noktasından dolayı çok geçmeden aralarında birçok farklı dilden oluşan çok özel, bağımsız bir lehçe üretilmişti.’

    Her iki metin de Gurdjieff’in “Life is real only when ‘I am’’ kitabından alınmıştr. Önsöz, 36 – 39. sayfalar.

  2. Azim Looker says:

    Very pleased to see these excerpts. ‘Life Is Real Only Then, When “I Am”‘ was first privately printed in 1974, by Triangle Editions. It is the incomplete text of the third Series of All and Everything by G. I. Gurdjieff. I was fortunate enough to come across this book as soon as it was privately published and spent a day copying it by hand … not a wasted exercise, as it engrained the contents deeply into my ‘subconsiousness’.
    What seems so special in these extracts is the deeply-felt and most human face Mr Gurdjieff shows us…without concealing his feeling as so many pompous ‘teachers’ might. We can truly feel that Mr Gurdjieff is opening his heart to us, has ceased to play a role, is speaking from ‘Conscience’, much as Dr Skridlov does at the end of “Meetings with Remarkable Men” (and the placement at the end of the second series is not at all accidental, but IMO signifies “the opening of the Heart”).
    Lets consider the text Mr Gurdjieff has left for us, and what its meaning really is…and think also of the tenderness with which he writes here in the extracts Nicolas and Nalan have posted.
    Suddenly my glance rested on the face of Professor Skridlov and I
    saw that tears were streaming from his eyes.
    ‘What’s the matter, old fellow?’ I asked him.
    ‘Nothing,’ he answered, drying his eyes, and then added: ‘In general,
    during the last two or three years, my inability to control the automatic
    manifestations of my subconsciousness and my instinct is such that I
    have become almost like an hysterical woman.
    ‘What has just happened, has happened to me many times during this
    period. It is very difficult to explain what takes place in me when I see
    or hear anything majestic which allows no doubt that it proceeds from
    the actualization of Our Maker Creator. Each time, my tears flow of
    themselves. I weep, that is to say, it weeps in me, not from grief, no, but
    as if from tenderness. I became so, gradually, after meeting Father
    Giovanni, whom you remember we met together in Kafiristan, to my
    worldly misfortune.
    ‘After that meeting my whole inner and outer world became for me quite different. In the definite views which had become rooted in
    me in the course of my whole life, there took place, as it were by itself,
    a revaluation of all values.
    ‘Before that meeting, I was a man wholly engrossed in my own
    personal interests and pleasures, and also in the interests and pleasures
    of my children. I was always occupied with thoughts of how best to
    satisfy my needs and the needs of my children.
    ‘Formerly, it may be said, my whole being was possessed by egoism.
    All my manifestations and experiencings flowed from my vanity. The
    meeting with Father Giovanni killed all this, and from then on there
    gradually arose in me that “something” which has brought the whole of
    me to the unshakeable conviction that, apart from the vanities of life,
    there exists a “something else” which must be the aim and ideal of
    every more or less thinking man, and that it is only this something else
    which may make a man really happy and give him real values, instead
    of the illusory “goods” with which in ordinary life he is always and in
    everything full.’

  3. Thank you Azim for your seminal comment ! Blessings from Nalan and Nico 🙂

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